Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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