His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I did not marry a roomba.
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