Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
