You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
