whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
