You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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