remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
