you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
