Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
