he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
