Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
