dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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