i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
jump out the window naked night went bad
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
