it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
