I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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