She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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