You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
