I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
