yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
