I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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