Don't EVER smell your tampon
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize