So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
