They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
