It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
