I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
