Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
