That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
