Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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