I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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