CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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