how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
