My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
