You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
