I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize