I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize