My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
