get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
