I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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