Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm always down for nudity.
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