Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
