U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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