Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Farmville is her only friend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
