i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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