New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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