Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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