Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
