you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
