Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
