College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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