I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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