well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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