Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
