I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I intend to get homeless drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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