we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
