So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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