I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
