Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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