The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
