Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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