next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
