the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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