i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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