if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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