I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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