i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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