Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
