is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
