so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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