Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
