nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize