So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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