She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
